EVERY Filipino home begins with love — and love takes many forms. In our culture, the mother is the ilaw ng tahanan, the light that nurtures and warms. The father, meanwhile, is the haligi ng tahanan, the pillar that holds everything upright, but pillars are not just made of strength; they are shaped by tenderness, sacrifice and the quiet courage to keep standing even when the weight grows heavy.
Today, as we celebrate Fathers’ Day, we honor not only those who fit the traditional mold but also those who redefine it — men and women, biological or chosen — who embody the spirit of fatherhood in all its complexity.
The fourfold meaning of fathers
In his landmark study “Four Meanings of Fatherhood” (Philippine Journal of Psychology, 1989), psychologist Allen Tan mapped out four archetypes that reveal how Filipino fathers express love and responsibility — through both action and emotion. His framework remains strikingly relevant today
The procreator father. He is the father by name but not by presence. His love is distant, his role confined to creation. The child exists, but the bond does not. Despite that, this archetype reminds us of what fatherhood should be — not just the act of giving life, but the lifelong duty of nurturing it.
In many Filipino households, this figure still exists: the man whose absence echoes louder than his words. His story also serves as a call that fatherhood must go beyond biology and become a conscious act of care.
The dilettante father. He is the father who works long hours, who arrives home when the children are already asleep. His time is scarce, but his affection is genuine. When he does get those fleeting moments — a bedtime story, a shared meal, a laugh before lights out — he treasures them.
His love is quiet but sincere, a reminder that presence is measured not in hours but in heart. He represents countless Filipino fathers who balance the demands of livelihood and love, proving that even brief moments can build lasting bonds.
The determinative father. He is the father of expectations — the one who pushes, corrects and demands excellence. His love is disciplined, sometimes misunderstood. He wants his child to succeed, to rise above hardship, to be strong; yet, in his pursuit of perfection, he sometimes forgets that love is not a finish line.
Children raised under this archetype often carry both pride and pressure. Studies show that excessive parental expectations can lead to anxiety and emotional withdrawal. But behind the sternness lies a father’s desire to protect his child from failure — a love expressed through ambition, not neglect.
The generative father. He is the father who finds joy in the journey. He plays, listens, teaches, and learns alongside his children. He sees fatherhood not as a burden but as a blessing. His laughter fills the home, his patience steadies the storms.
In him, we see the ideal — a father whose strength is gentleness, whose authority is love. He is the embodiment of modern Filipino fatherhood: emotionally present, nurturing, and proud to be vulnerable.
Beyond the archetypes: Fathers in all forms
Not all families fit the traditional mold. Some fathers raise their children alone, carrying both the weight of provider and nurturer. Others step into the role out of love, not obligation — godfathers, grandfathers, uncles, teachers, mentors. Each one proves that fatherhood is not defined by blood but by devotion.
The single father. He wakes before dawn, cooks breakfast, packs school bags, and works long hours — all while ensuring his child feels loved and secure. His resilience is quiet but heroic.
Ron is such a dad. His day starts at 2 a.m. mixes flour, malunggay leaves and dried carrots, water and salt. He drops this into a mixer and then into a kneader, then cuts up the dough for proofing. By 4 a.m., he plops the trays of pandesal into the oven and by 5 a.m., he is peddling his bread on his tricycle to his sukis (loyal customers) in Liliw, Laguna. He returns by 6:30 a.m. and readies 10-year-old Jean for her classes. By 7:15 a.m., Jean is in school and Ron goes to the queue at the tricycle stop until lunch time, catching power naps until lunch to join his daughter for a meal. Ron’s wife is an OFW in Qatar, but has since left him for another man.
A study by Elyssa Sison and colleagues (“Tahanang Walang Ilaw,” Psychology and Education Journal, 2024) found that single fathers often experience grief and self neglect, sacrificing their own well being to provide for their children. Yet, their sacrifices speak volumes about unconditional love — the kind that endures exhaustion and loneliness for the sake of family.
The single mother acting as father. Maco works as a call center agent in one of the biggest Business process outsourcing companies in Tarlac. Luckily, her work day isn’t a full-time zone flip, so she has time to take care of two kids—a 10-year-old boy and a 7-year-old-girl. She lives in an apartment that is far away from road but has excellent Digital Subscriber Line service. She still mourns the death of her husband who died because of acute pancreatitis — bangungot. She now fixes bikes, teaches discipline and stands tall against the world’s expectations. In her, the light and pillar merge — she becomes both mother and father, proving that strength and tenderness can coexist in one heart.
Research by Gabriel Angelo and colleagues (“Alone but Resilient,” DLSU Research Congress, 2022) highlights the emotional and financial challenges faced by single mothers. Yet their courage redefines fatherhood itself — showing that love can fill any absence.
The father figure. He may not share the child’s blood, but he shares their dreams. He is the teacher who listens, the uncle who guides, the neighbor who protects. He reminds us that fatherhood is not a title — it’s a choice.
Cristin and Eraz were only nine and seven when orphaned after their father was brutally murdered. Their lives were uprooted from their Cavite home to Laguna. They lived in a tight broken down house supported by an uncle and a grandmother. Then they met Greg B., a professor at the University of the Philippines at Los Baños, who also happens to be their next door neighbor. From Greg, they felt how it was to have a “fake father” in their lives — someone to sit in at PTA, attend graduation and join the occasional excursions and field trips,
In communities across the Philippines, these men quietly shape lives, offering mentorship and compassion where it’s needed most. They are the unsung heroes of everyday fatherhood.
The fifth archetype: The queer father
In today’s evolving world, fatherhood also finds new expressions in love that defies convention. The gay father — or queer father figure — embodies courage and authenticity. He raises his child with empathy, blending the nurturing warmth of a mother and the steadfast strength of a father. His home is a sanctuary of acceptance, where love is not limited by gender but expanded by truth.
Manuel A. is such a father. Raised in a military family, the trigger for his coming out was the death of his father, a colonel in the Philippine Army.
His son, Amil is biological, his own, but his wife left him soon after he came out in 2010. Patrick T. on the other hand, took a new name after she came out in 2020, in the middle of the pandemic. Trick and his partner Trisha adopted their daughter Kee from one of Trisha’s sisters, who bore the child out of wedlock.
Gay and lesbian couples share the mantle of fatherhood — two mothers or two fathers who teach their child that family is built on care, not conformity. They fix bicycles, read bedtime stories and face the world hand in hand. They cook breakfast, bake, wash clothes because they have multiple yet clear roles. In their laughter and unity, the child learns that love, in any form, is enough.
These families challenge old definitions and remind us that fatherhood is not about who you are, but how you love.
Their presence in Filipino society is a quiet revolution — one that broadens the meaning of haligi ng tahanan to include anyone who stands firm for their family, regardless of gender or orientation.
A celebration of love that holds
Fatherhood — in all its forms — is a story of endurance and grace. It is the hand that steadies, the voice that reassures, the presence that protects. Whether born of tradition or transformation, every father figure carries the same truth: that love, when given freely, becomes the strongest pillar of all.
So, today, we celebrate every father — biological, adoptive, single, queer or chosen.
For in every home where love stands firm, the haligi ng tahanan still holds.